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Posted by Clover on 23 March 2016 - 10:02 AM
Welcome to day 2! Some stuff happened last night:
A middle-aged man deliberately cracks his knuckles right before taking out his favorite ink pen.
Like his father and grandfather before him, Valdoroth made his living peddling his wares town to town- returning to his hometown nary twice a year to see his wife and young daughter. Long hours, grueling travel and having to see so many faces you can barely recognize your own in the mirror- the life of a traveling merchant is not one of luxury.
"Hello my dear, I hope to see you soon..." he began to write. It had been 9 months since he'd seen her face. He had written many letters. Letters of unwavering love and devotion. All of them lies.
Valdoroth had no intention of returning home. Not ever. This time it was different. He'd heard about this town. How gullible and rash it's inhabitants could be. So he had one goal: become the richest man north of the equator. Take these fools for all their worth and bail at the first sight of trouble. The thought constantly rattled his brain. "What can I do next? Who can I rip off now? What are my margins on imported teriyaki bananas..."
Unfortunately for Valdoroth, trouble found him first.
Before the ink could dry on his letter, Valdoroth was launched 25 meters out of the window of his 2 story walk up. A hailing torrent of flaming debris illuminated the evening around his injured body. His spine had been shattered and the blood loss was uncontrollable. He would be dead in less than a minute.
"...My..my wares! I'm ruined..!" he thought to himself.
Nevermind the poor old couple that lived below him- now covered in smoldering embers. Nevermind the fact that he was just launched out of a window by an explosion. Nevermind he really would never see his family again. Nevermind the mass histeria that was happening around him. Nevermind his inevitable death. In his last moments, only greed crossed his mind.
"The Mafia send their regards, merchant" a man dressed in all black said calmly.
Valdoroth slowly drifted towards death as he watched the man walk away. As corrupt as he may be, Valdoroth was no Mafian. The bigger fish had taken its' prey.
Valdoroth was innocent.
Monday, 11:21pm: A crazed man stares at a photograph. "It is almost time" he sneered "I've been watching you... waiting." "My next kill must be you... someone special. I'm coming for you, Callum"
Callum was the towns lead mechanic. He had been helping out the night shift this week. Lack of funding made it so even the boss had to come in on nights, but he had no problems with it. The work had to be done. The night went like any other. Mechanical problem after mechanical problem- but it was nothing his team couldn't handle.
Thursday, 4:07am: Callum sent his team home. "Good work today guys I appreciate you coming in. Don't worry about lock-up" he said. "I'll take care of it. Go home to your families"
Thursday, 4:33am: During clean and lock up, Callum heard a slight rap on the door leading into the garage. Curious, did someone forget their coat? Maybe it was the wind.
Thursday, 4:49am: Another rap at the door. Callum decides to inspect the noise. Upon opening the door, he is greeted with a crowbar to the chin knocking him backwards. Barely coherent, Callum stumbled back to his feet and manages to make his way through the welcome desk toward the front door.
"Get...BACK HERE!!!!!!" The terrifying war chant rang deeply in Callum's ears. He shook with desperation. As his body slammed against the plate glass entrance he felt his consciousness slipping away from him.
Friday, 6:44am: Callum slowly opened his eyes to a blinding light above him.
"Callum? Mr. Callum? Can you hear me?" A nurse said quietly in a relieved tone. "Ooh boy, you're awake!"
"What... what happened? Where am I?" Callum mumbled.
When Callum slammed against the entrance door, he managed to set off the building alarm. A physician on his way to work heard the alarm and called the police. The physician rode in the ambulance with Callum and managed to stop the bleeding. 48 stitches and one wired jaw later, Callum was doing ok.
Callum had been saved.
Posted by Ren on 17 September 2016 - 10:03 PM
The war ought to be called Gandalf's Folly. It started because he maxed his military in an attempt to hop into the SK top ten, and the rest of us followed suit to squash him. A global military build up and a shit-slinging contest resulted, culminating in this ever so fun war.
- Callum, Jean Parisot, Konstantinurov and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 12 September 2016 - 09:48 PM
Only if we rename the King's position to Harambe
- Jean Parisot, Lyro, iTorchic and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 23 August 2016 - 08:08 PM
Clover was always a bit of a drunk, and a notorious liar. After getting shot down by every whore in the local whorehouse, Clover went to drown his sorrows with ale. After drinking well over his limit, the barkeep kicked his sorry ass out on the street. Stumbling home, Clover came across quite a strange little man. In front of him on the street stood a grown man that was no taller than a child.
"IS THAT *hic* you, Tyrone Lansterrrr *hic*" Clover slurred.
The small man then turned around for Clover to see. He skin was bright orange, his hair neon green, and he was wearing strange little tights. And then, he began to sing:
Oompa loompa doom-pa-de-do
I have the perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me
What happens when you're a compulsive liar?
None will be there when it's down to the wire.
Being another is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who is to blame
The strange dancing man then pulled a crossbow out of his pants and shot Clover in the face.
Clover, a Lannister Bannerman, is dead.
- Callum, carvell, Clover and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 22 August 2016 - 08:41 PM
Following the deaths of so many Starks, and Stark bannerman, Cersei Lannister had sent a raven to Winterfell inviting the remaining Starks to King's Landing in order to discuss their surrender terms. Catelyn Stark was absolutely outraged by this, so she decided to sneak out with Hodor to deal with things herself.
Not wanting to leave spooked horses in the stables, she decided to take all four of them with her. Not wanting to waste one of the horses, Hodor and Lady Cat decided to ride them like many circus performers do:
They road like this all the way to King's Landing, straight up to the stairs of the Red Keep, where Cersei was waiting for them. Cat headed inside the keep to take care of business, but Hodor was easily distracted by the hustle and bustle of the city.
"HODOR?!" Cat yelled to get his attention, as she nodded in the direction of the Keep.
"Hodor" Hodor hodor'd. Ashamed that he had been distracted.
Both of them rushed to the Throne Room to find Cersei Lannister. Cersei stood up from the throne when she saw the familiar face of Cat Stark, but she was visibly confused as to who the other man was. Not wanting to be impolite before Cat murdered the the fuck out of Cersei, she introduced them.
"Hodor" she said as she nodded in the direction of Hodor.
"Hodor!" Hodor hodor'd, excited to meet another woman.
"Hodor...?" Cersei said curiously, trying to remember if she had meet this beast before.
Before Cersei could ask Cat why she had come alone, Cat lunged at her with an arrow that she had hidden inside of her cloak. She would have killed Cersei then and there, but unfortunately she stumbled. The arrow plunged deep into Cersei's knee and she collapsed to the ground. Knowing that the Royal Guard would be back at any moment, Cat knew she had to get Cersei out of the Red Keep and back to her horses. She grabbed Cersei by the leg and tried to drag her out of the castle but it was no use, Cat wasn't strong enough.
"HODOR!" she screamed as she motioned for him to grab Cersei and carry her to the horses. As Hodor carried the unconscious queen to the horses, Cat snooped around the keep to find some more supplies that would help her murder the shit out of Cersei. Time was short, so all she could find was a flask of acid, a bucket of ice, some rope, and a torch.
After a brief brainstorming session, Cat knew what she had to do. She tied each of Cersei's limbs to a different horse. Before she could do anything else, Cersei regained consciousness and was a little uncooperative. Not wasting any time, Cat picked up the bucket of ice and beat Cersei's head in with it until she was unconscious again. Cat then took a couple steps back, lit the bottle of acid on fire, and threw it on Cersei. The flames startled the horses, and they all ran off in different directions, dismembering Cersei.
Cersei Lannister (Cody K -- Role Blocker) is dead.
20:56 clover: 4 horses20:56 clover: they pull him apart20:57 Ren: takes an arrow to the knee20:58 Ren: or Cat Stark murders him brutally20:58 clover: set him on fire too just because20:59 Callum[Work]: and ice20:59 clover: and acid20:59 Ren: the only words spoken are Hodor
- Ren, Jean Parisot, Lyro and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 20 August 2016 - 08:10 PM
After brutally murdering Melisandre, Littlefinger knew getting out of Castle Black would be nigh impossible. He instructed his loyal oaf to stand in front of him in the elevator on the ride down, lest an Archer shoot him. Half way down the wall, Littlefinger could see an increasing number of black cloaks gathering around the elevator. By the time he reached the bottom of the wall, all of Castle Black was standing in front of the elevator with their weapons drawn.
"Littlefinger, is it?" Lord Commander Tollett asked as he emerged from the middle of the black mass.
"You murdered my men, so I sentence you to die", Tollett continued.
"Archers! Draw!" Tollett commanded.
Littlefinger (Lyro -- Serial Killer) was dead before he hit the ground.
- Ren, Lyev, Jean Parisot and 3 others like this
Posted by Katsu on 20 August 2016 - 01:52 PM
Katsu if I can't fap to dead things than what am I suppose to fap to?
- iTorchic, Clover, Areton Chashul and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 08 May 2016 - 10:02 PM
Little cunt got what he had coming.
- Callum, Brooklyn666, Jean Parisot and 3 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 18 March 2016 - 07:20 PM
19:14 Gandalf Give me a death for Valdoroth
19:14 Lyro rofl
19:14 Gandalf And I'll write it up
19:14 Lyro hmm
19:14 Lyro tripping on his shoelaces would be good
19:18 Gandalf I'll try to make it work lol
Valdoroth, a kindergarten teacher, has been asked by several students' parents, as well as his boss, has been asked to teach his students about the town's current events.
"Mr. Valdoroth, what's a mafia?", one curious little girl asks.
"That's an excellent question, Sarah. Has anyone else in the class heard about the mafia? Maybe you've heard your parents talking about it, or heard about it on the TV?", Valdoroth asks while half the class sheepishly raises their hand.
"Well, basically, the mafia are a group of people who try to control other people. They usually force people to do things they don't want to do, and threaten to punish them if they don't do it. The mafia are very bad people, boys and girls, and when the cops find them they take them away forever."
Filled with this new-found information, the children head to lunch to gossip about who they know who might be in the mafia. Most of the accusations are jokes, until one little boy gives a very convincing argument:
"Guys, listen to me. I bet Mr. Valdoroth is in a mafia. Just listen, remember when he said that the mafia makes people do things they don't want to do? That's what he does to us! We hate doing homework and reading, but he makes us do it anyways! And when we -Mackenzie, shut your stupid face, I'm talking!- don't listen, he sends us to the principals office. He does the exact same thing as the mafias do!" The other children nodded in agreement with what their classmate was saying. For the remaining portion of lunch, the children devise a plan to subdue their teacher before he hurts anyone.
Back in the classroom, the children spring into action. Two students sprint towards Mr. Valdoroth and begin tying his shoelaces together. Swatting the children away, Valdoroth starts to lose his balance. Two other children give Valdoroth a push, and he comes crashing down on a pair of scissors that were left out from arts and crafts time. Blood pours out of Valdoroth as the children all scream in terror.
Valdoroth was in the mafia. One mafia member remains.
- Callum, Lyro, Jaime Lannister and 3 others like this
Posted by Asparuh on 05 November 2016 - 03:46 PM
Guys I wanna say ty for helping me and most on Brooklyn666. We have great programs and tips for grow.
I'm happy join in SK and I hope soon can help on SK with my economy too. Game is good.
- Mikey, iTorchic, Clover and 2 others like this
Posted by Ferdinand Fuhrn on 10 September 2016 - 06:40 PM
Recorded at a nearby SK recruiting center:
- Ren, Mikey, Areton Chashul and 2 others like this
Posted by Katsu on 20 August 2016 - 11:16 AM
Local Dead Talk
Recently there have been a few reports of dead men doing just what we thought they do not do: telling tales. Recently deceased in a multitude of ways, some of them shamefully our lynchings, there are some reports of hearing from the dead. As a result there has been a widespread crackdown on banning and removing all wizardry, witchcraft, or other practices that make an attempt to talk to the dead. These people have been very often brutally beaten and publicly shamed for their acts on sometimes something as simple as a doll of a lost loved one.
Here is a striking image of a cult attempting to revive recently deceased Lysa at her memorial.
As a result there have been more people patrolling the death areas of people to check and stop the dead people from telling.
It is highly recommended that you stay away from all necro related things. Here's a simple guide compiled by an anonymous donor on the topic:
How To Not Get F***ed by crazy dead people:
1. Do not buy Ouiji builds
2. Don't Necro old threads
3. Don't fap to deceased people
4. Don't play the Necromancer/summoner in and RPGs for the time being
5. Don't have dolls of real people, really, grow up a little
6. If you're a stick get fatter because some of you meth addicts look like skeletons and pretty soon you'll just be assumed to be a skeleton incarnate and get killed from necro-hating enthusiast
7. If you see/hear anything from a dead man, ignore it, inform an official, and spit on their grave a little to piss em off and shame them
Don't be stupid you stupid idiots, to be honest we're all gonna die probably anyways. fkin wnter n sht
Where as the guide may be a bit blunt, it's the best we've got for now. Once again this is Katsu, don't get into Necrophilia, and keep your blood where it belongs.
- iTorchic, Clover, Areton Chashul and 2 others like this
Posted by Jaime Lannister on 17 August 2016 - 05:15 AM
Hmmm... I may have an unfortunate name here in the North.
- Callum, Brooklyn666, Jean Parisot and 2 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 15 August 2016 - 05:07 PM
Officially the biggest game we've played. 20+ would be awesome.
- Callum, Jean Parisot, Lyro and 2 others like this
Posted by Clover on 08 August 2016 - 05:01 PM
Every 2-4 weeks, give or take. Depends on how often you're triggered mostly.
- Valdoroth, Brooklyn666, Jaime Lannister and 2 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 23 July 2016 - 07:28 PM
After this and the cock and taters vid, I'd like to see what your suggested videos box looks like.
- Bilal the Great, Mikey, Areton Chashul and 2 others like this
Posted by Mikey on 23 June 2016 - 11:42 PM
This is shaping up to be one crazy as hell year.
- Callum, Aisha Greyjoy, Jaime Lannister and 2 others like this
Posted by Ren on 23 April 2016 - 09:13 PM
I found this at a 7/11. I didn't buy it because I dislike wheat beer, but I thought of you nerds.
- Callum, Valdoroth, Brooklyn666 and 2 others like this
Posted by Mikey on 17 March 2016 - 03:24 PM
5 years ago a couple of idiots formed a silly Alliance in a game that immediately went offline. Somehow it has managed to survive and actually become a successful community despite Tenages and I accidental deleting the forums every 2 months. Here's to five more years of having no idea what we're doing!
- Callum, Brooklyn666, Jean Parisot and 2 others like this
Posted by Gandalf on 24 August 2016 - 10:20 AM
Outraged by what Catelyn Stark had done to his daughter, Tywin Lannister headed to Winterfell to exact his revenge.
"Lady Stark, you have done a terrible thing. I challenge you to a duel. Maybe the Gods bless the winner with a swift victory." Tywin demanded.
"What kind of duel are you looking for?" Catelyn asked. "I am just a woman, and you are one of the most powerful men in Westeros. A trial by combat would be most unfair." she stated.
"Agreed. That is why we are not having a trial by combat. Catelyn Stark, I challenge you to a Dance Off. You have one day to prepare your routine", Tywin explained.
One day later everyone met in the great hall for the showdown of the century. Being a gentlemen, Tywin let Catelyn go first. Predictably she slowdanced with Ned; while it was graceful, it lacked a certain wow factor. Up next was Tywin. All eyes focused on him as he dropped his cloak and began his routine. It went a little bit like this:
Tywin Lannister slayed Catelyn Stark. After witnessing Tywin's fresh moves, the Gods struck down Catelyn immediately.
Catelyn Stark (Ren), is dead.
- Ren, Clover, Areton Chashul and 2 others like this